The no. 1 thing that is draining your energy
Updated: Aug 18, 2019
Stop giving your energy away and step into your true power and authenticity.
This article is based on my recent video training in my Facebook group, which you can watch in my group JOIN THE GROUP TO HAVE A FULL ACCESS ( it is more detailed ). I have been inspired to do this training by a conversation I had with one of my clients last week. I would love to share it with you, because this is something, I know a lot of you will benefit from.
This article is for you, if you have felt energetically depleted, physically or emotionally exhausted, perhaps you feel like you are giving too much of your energy to others and receiving very little back, or if you feel like other people don’t respect you, your boundaries, your help and your life.
I am going to give you examples of how this can happen, how you can change it and regain your power and energy back.
My client’s story
Alisson (not her real name) and I have been working together for over a month now, she has been making amazing progress, she is a freaking rockstar. During one of our sessions, she shared with me that our sessions together has been the first thing that she has actually done for herself in the whole of 2019. She was spreading herself too thin in order to please others. She was under pressure from her peers, because she was being invited to many social events such as baby showers, engagement parties, hen parties, birthday parties and more. There was just so much going on and it felt overwhelming, but she kept saying yes to everything, but what she really felt on the inside was a big fat NO. Her explanation was, that she did not want to offend anyone, spoil the fun or disappoint anyone.
As a result, she was not actually enjoying those events and time spent with her friends. She kept saying yes to everything and to everyone to make them happy, to keep them company and to fulfil their expectation, only to be later annoyed, depleted and out of energy. When she tried saying no, she felt guilty and her peers did not seem to understand.
Are you guilty of doing something similar? Do you over-give to others? Do you say ‘yes’, when you really mean ‘no’? Do say ‘yes’ to help someone, when it actually does not feel aligned and you don’t enjoy it? Are you people-pleasing? Are you making decisions for others or for yourself?
This is exactly what I asked my client: Who are your living your life for? Are you living your life to please others or are you living your life for yourself?
Saying ‘NO’ to others isn’t selfish, it is actually the most loving thing that you can do for yourself and others.
So why do we do this?
There could be many different reasons, I have outlined some of them below.
Have you adopted ‘saving mentality’?
You might have a good intention, you might just want to help or support others, but you end up feeling exhausted and over-giving… Perhaps you don’t want others to feel rejected, lonely or disappointed, so you end up agreeing to things that don’t light you up and drain your energy. This can also often happen at work or you might even end up giving away a free service, just because you want to help, but this never works… You are actually doing a disservice not just to yourself, but also to the other person, because you are not authentic, this type of help doesn’t come from the heart, because you are pretending and that is not fair on them either. As a result, you might end up feeling annoyed, grumpy and you might even try to avoid them in the future.
Do you believe that saying no is bad?
Saying No Doesn’t Mean You’re a Bad Person. Saying no doesn’t mean that you are being rude, selfish, unkind or that you don’t care. These are all unhelpful beliefs that you adopted in the past. As children, we learned that saying no was impolite or inappropriate, but now it‘s time to relearn and create healthier boundaries.
Are you a people-pleaser?
Another reason why we often end up saying yes to things that don’t feel right, is whenu or ego kicks in. Our ego has people-pleasing tendencies – and this is something I have been guilty of a lot. Our ego might want to impress others and show everyone that we can do anything. So we end up taking on another task at work, we offer help, we commit ourselves to things that we don’t really want. I call this ‘ I can save the world’ mentality. (Watch the video for my details explanation and examples)
By making choices that do not feel good, you are giving your power away, you are saying to yourself and to the Universe that your desires do not matter, that you don’t deserve that time for yourself. You are also giving a message to others that your boundaries are weak.
Techniques – what to do
In the beginning, the below processes might feel like they are outside of your comfort zone, but that is OK. Once you have done this couple of times, things will improve on their own, because you will have set healthy boundaries and other people will respect it too.
Helpful Tips for Saying NO in a loving way that works for everyone
· Be direct and honest, say “no, I can’t” or “no, I don’t want to.” or ‘’ This doesn’t fit in my schedule’’. Be confident about your decision, remember that you live your life for yourself 😊, you deserve to make the best decisions that work for you.
Don’t say “I’ll think about it”, when you already know, that you don’t want to do that. This will just prolong the situation and make you feel even more stressed and you might be leaving the other person waiting. When you know that you are leaving the other person waiting, you might end up saying ‘yes’, just because you feel bad that you didn’t make it clear from the beginning.
·Don’t apologize and give all sorts of reasons. You don’t have to justify your decisions, needs and wants. You don’t have to justify your ‘no’, even if you just want to stay at home and have a hot bath.
· Don’t lie, as that might make you feel more guilty later on and remember, this is what you are trying to avoid feeling.
· If it feels aligned, then come up with an alternative solution/suggestion. For example, your friends are asking you to go out to the cinema and for dinner, and you actually don’t feel like doing this or perhaps don’t even have the money, but you still want to see them, then you can suggest something different that works for you. Of course, do this only when it feels aligned and good.
· Remember that it is better to say no now than be resentful later.
· Saying no isn’t rude or impolite, but you can always add something such as “Thanks for asking.”, ‘’I appreciate that you’re thinking about me, but…’’.
· Mental rehearsal technique: Practice saying no inside of your mind!!! Imagine a scenario and then practice saying no, see yourself feeling confident and empowered. Choose a situation that would make you feel uncomfortable and would be out of your comfort zone and rehearse it over and over again. This will get you feeling a lot more comfortable with saying no.
Remember that your self-worth does not depend on how much you do for other people. You have the right to live a life you desire and prioritise your needs and wants.
Mantras to practice:
I have put together some empowering affirmations for you, choose those that resonate with you the most and practice them as often as possible.
I have healthy boundaries with others.
I easily say no to others.
I always listen to my inner guidance.
I feel confident when I say no to others.
My needs and wants are important to me.
I prioritise my needs. I love myself.
It is easy for me to have healthy boundaries.
I am confident in my ability to say no.
I always stand up for myself.
I can take control of any situation.
I set firm boundaries with others.
I set standards for myself and stick to them.
I communicate my needs and desires with confidence.
Others respect my boundaries.
Others respect my ability to stand up for myself.
The next step…
Ok empowered lady, if you would like to create amazing and positive shifts in your life and you are ready to put yourself first, I am here to help you. I work with aspiring women like yourself, who know that life is about more than just surviving. I work with women who want to thrive and create a life of their dreams, while freeing themselves from negative self-talk, limiting beliefs and fears.
I help you to adopt a mindset of a powerful goddess, align your energy with your heart’s desires and build the confidence you need to achieve your desired outcomes. If this resonates with you, book a free clarity call with me to see whether we are a good match and how we could work together (no strings attached).
And if this does resonate with you, don’t let your fears talk you out of this, because you deserve the best.
I take women on a journey of an extraordinary transformation using a blend of hypnosis, NLP, coaching and other proven practical tools combined with an energetic approach, so they can escape that cycle of negative self-talk, feelings of insecurity, of not being enough and low self-esteem once and for all – and get on with creating a truly fulfilled life.
Ok wonderful lady, let me know if you enjoyed this training, let me know in the comments on Facebook or reach out to me on here email@example.com. I love hearing from you. Share this article or the video with friends that would benefit from it 😊, let’s spread the word and help other women.
Lots of love, and as always shine bright ladies and be yourself.